My entire life someone at some time has used that phrase; "Speak Life." I was always sarcastic about it because I had figured no matter how hard you prayed/wished/thought about moving in a good direction for your life; no matter how much "life" you spoke into your life, you were stuck with what you got. I became extremely skilled at putting on the smile, laughin loud, and making everyone think that I "Spoke Life," but when it came to me, there was no life to be had. I was, and on some days still am, miserable. Instead of "Speaking Life," into myself, I reserved that positive energy for everyone else. And let me tell you, that is downright exhausting.
As a woman, and I'm sure most mothers and women dedicated to someone or something else can agree, to give everything to everyone and everything else leaves you empty and wondering. Wondering why you left your dreams behind to support your boyfriend/husband. Wondering why you tried to obtain a certain level of education only to find out it's not what you really wanted. Wondering why you always back away from something you desire because your money is "better spent" on items that could benefit the entire family/household. Speaking for myself, I try very hard to see others happy; even if the cost is my own happiness.
So, if I recognize this, why do I keep doing it? I think it goes back to the saying, "It's the devil we know." But, why do we want to know the devil if God has put us here for a purpose; one that is to lead us to an abundant life - a life of value, happiness, prosperity, and fulfillment here and after? I am still trying to figure that one out, but in the process, I am trying to "Speak Life," into myself. A networking partner of mine, Michael Cogburn, put it best today when he pointed out we don't HAVE to do anything. We GET the privilege of worshipping how we want, meeting with people we want, and doing the things we want. Not everyone can go to the grocery store. Many can't afford to go to the doctor's office, afford rehabilitative care, or visit the dentist. A great number in the world can't even read this blog. A larger number may not even be able to read or write in general.
It's time to realize I GET to "Speak Life," not only into others but also myself. I have to admit I am worth it (and yes, I'm crying even as I type this). I get the privilege to care for a healthy child who may not have been exactly where I wanted her in my agenda, but her timing couldn't have been better. I get to work on and in my business, no matter how much of a struggle it may be. It is mine, and I'm proud of it. I get to love someone who has been able to follow his dream and find employment in it, even if the income and the area we live in are not always compatible. I get the blessing to sing almost every Sunday and praise God for my existence and the lives of all those who I have been blessed to meet and those I will meet in the future. After 35 years, I think I get it. The saying that's always been there. I think I'm finally learning to listen. and only Speak Life.
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